A) INTRODUCTION.

B) FIRST BREAKDOWN.

C) LET’S HAVE A LOOK.

D) COMMANDMENT ONE.

E) COMMANDMENT TWO.

F) COMMANDMENT THREE.

G) COMMANDMENT FOUR.

H) COMMANDMENT FIVE.

I) COMMANDMENT SIX.

J) COMMANDMENT SEVEN.

K) COMMANDMENT EIGHT.

L) COMMANDMENT NINE.

M) COMMANDMENT TEN.

N) IN CONCLUSION.

 

 

A) INTRODUCTION

 

 

Young men and women should understand that they are disciples of Christ while they are single.  But when they (the men) are contemplating marriage, they also need to understand that they will be changing their status from disciple to high priest.  And when they do that, the spiritual world takes on a new series of attack upon what is now to become a family.

 

 

B) FIRST BREAKDOWN

 

 

1. No other Gods (men/women).

 

1) Exclusive loyalty to my spouse; willing to make total, exclusive, continuing, and growing commitments to their marriage partners. 

 

2. No Graven Images (Looking at other men/women).

 

2) Not having a false image of our spouse in our mind; not trying to shape our partner into our own image.

 

3. The Lord’s Name in Vain (Downgrading our Spouses).

 

3) Always speaking of one’s spouse with respect and honor.  Not belittling them.

 

4. Remember the Sabbath day.

 

4) Giving my spouse time and rest.  Setting aside a special time just for them.

 

5. Honoring Father and Mother.

 

5) Rightly relating to parents and parents-in-law.

 

6. No Murder.

 

6) Freedom from hatred, destructive anger and uncontrolled emotions.  This Commandment forbids not only physical violence to the body, but also moral injury to the soul through our words, or actions.

 

7. No Adultery.

 

7) Sexual faithfulness; controlled passions and appetites; not withholding sex as a placard.

 

8. No Stealing.

 

8) True community of property; no “stealing” from one’s partners freedom, dignity, money, power, or goods.

 

9. No False Testimony.

 

9) Truthful and Honest communication.  No speaking evil of them, misrepresenting their motives, misquoting their words, judging their motives, and criticizing their efforts; no tampering with the truth.

 

10. No Coveting.

 

10) Contentment; freedom from demands; being accountable not only for our actions but also for our intentions.

 

 

D) COMMANDMENT ONE

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the First Commandment calls us to give exclusive loyalty to our spouse.  In practice, this means making our spouse the most important person in our life -- after God.  It means not allowing such matters as professional pursuits, parents, children, friends, hobbies, and possessions to become our first love, and thus take the first place in our affections, which is to be reserved for our spouse.  It also means not amending the Commandment by making our loyalty to our spouse contingent on other factors, as when people say:  “I am prepared to give priority to my spouse as long as it does not hinder my professional pursuits.”  The First Commandment, then, calls us to give unconditional and exclusive loyalty to our spouse.

 

E) COMMANDMENT TWO

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Second Commandment enjoins us to be truthful and faithful to our spouse.  Just as we can be unfaithful to God, we can also be unfaithful to our spouse by having a false image of her/him in our mind.  In practice, this may mean trying to shape our partner into our own image of an “ideal spouse” by nagging or manipulating threats or rewards.  It may mean clinging to false images of love relationships with real or fantasy partners.  It may also mean making an idol of social relationships outside of marriage.  This would include forming relationships with friends or relatives that are closer than those with one’s spouse.  The Second Commandment, then, summons us to be truthful and faithful to our spouse by not making idols of anything that can weaken our marriage covenant.

F) COMMANDMENT THREE

 

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Third Commandment summons us to respect and honor our spouses in public and private.  In practice, this means respecting our spouses by showing them deference and courtesy both in public and private.  It means avoiding belittling our spouses, or cutting them off before the children or on social occasions.  It also means not taking our spouses’ presence for granted as though they were just another person.  The Third Commandment, then, enjoins us to show respect toward our spouses by avoiding words or actions that can belittle them and thus weaken our marriage covenants.

 

 

G) COMMANDMENT FOUR

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Fourth Commandment invites us to show our love to our spouses by setting aside a regular and special time for them. In practice, this means learning to put aside our work or personal pleasures on a regular basis, in order to listen to, to enjoy, to celebrate and to cultivate the friendship of our spouses.  It means, especially, using the climate of peace and tranquility of the Sabbath day as an opportunity to draw closer to God and to our marital partners.  It means taking time, especially on the Sabbath, to walk together, to relax together, to read together, to appreciate good music together, to meditate together, to pray together, to visit together, to bless our spouses in every way they need to be blessed.

The celebration of the Sabbath, the sign of our covenant commitment to God (Exo. 31:13; Eze.  20:12 & 20), can strengthen the marriage covenant in two ways:  theologically and practically.  Theologically, the Sabbath being a sign of our sacred covenantal commitment to God, serves to remind us as marital partners of the sanctity of our covenant commitment to our spouses.  Practically, the Sabbath offers time and opportunities to Christian couples to strengthen their marriage covenants by coming closer to one another.  The Fourth Commandment, then, calls us to show in a concrete way our covenantal commitment to our marriage partners by setting aside a regular and special time for them.

H) COMMANDMENT FIVE

 

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Fifth Commandment calls us to rightly relate to our parents and to our spouses’ parents.  We do not evade our responsibility toward our parents, as they grow old.  As married persons, partners assume responsibility for their parents rather than to them.  In practice, this involves welcoming their respective parents to their home without allowing them to control their home.  It involves working out with our spouse how to honor each respective parents in their old age, or when ill.  It involves seeking their parents’ counsel, without allowing them to dictate their ideas.  It involves honoring one’s spouse’s parents by not making constant jokes about each’s in-laws.  The Fifth Commandment, then, enjoins us to rightly relate to the parents of each spouse by respecting and supporting them without allowing them to interfere in their marital relationship and thus weaken their marriage covenant.

 

I) COMMANDMENT SIX

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Sixth Commandment calls us to renounce hatred and destructive anger.  In practice, this Commandment forbids abusing our spouses verbally or physically.  It forbids provoking our spouses to anger by criticizing their appearance, speech, actions, or decisions.  It forbids nourishing hostile feelings toward one’s spouse and attempting, through words or actions, to destroy their integrity.  It forbids harping on past offenses, which have been confessed and forgiven.  It challenges us to offer our spouses constructive and not destructive criticism.  The Sixth Commandment, then, calls us to renounce any form of hatred or hostility that can hurt our spouse and thus weaken one’s marriage covenants.

 

 

J) COMMANDMENT SEVEN

 

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, in practice, this Commandment calls us to be faithful to one’s spouse in their body as well as in their mind (Mat. 5:27-30).  Such fidelity involves among other things:  not seeking sexual experiences outside of marriage; not allowing the attractiveness of members of the opposite sex to become deliberate fantasy of intimacy in our mind; repulsing thoughts of sexual lust or perversion and refusing to be sexually stimulated by erotic books, films or magazines; treating one’s spouse as the object of one’s love and romance, rather than as the means of sexual gratification; viewing sex as a good gift of our Creator and as an expression of mutual and total self-giving to a love relationship.  The Seventh Commandment, then, calls spouses to honor their marriage covenant by being sexually faithful to one’s own spouse both mentally and physically.

 

 

K) COMMANDMENT EIGHT

 

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Eighth Commandment summons us to live in true community, without taking from our partners the right of privacy and self-determination.  In practice, this means that we must not deprive our spouses of the right to make their decisions in demanding a complete community of property.  It means that one spouse must not control the finances such that the other feels dispossessed.  It means that we must not hold back any security from our partner as a safety measure or bargaining chip.  It means that no sacrificial demands must be made of our partners in order to please our personal desires or whims.  It means that we must not “steal” the individuality, dignity, and power of our spouses, by making decisions for them.  It means that we must be willing to give back what we have taken from our spouse:  freedom, money, dignity, power, and goods.  The Eighth Commandment, then, calls us to honor our marriage covenants by living in a true community, without “stealing” from our partners freedom, dignity, money, power, or goods.

 

 

L) COMMANDMENT NINE

 

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Ninth Commandment enjoins us to be faithful communicators with our spouses.  In practice, this involves respecting our spouses’ integrity by not “hitting them below the belt,” or by not exaggerating the truth about them, saying, for example, “You never take my feelings in consideration. . . You always do what you like. . .”  This involves learning to understand not only the words but also the feelings behind the words of our spouses.  This enables us to interpret their thoughts and feelings more accurately.  We can bear false witness against our spouses by projecting on them what we think they say or mean by certain actions.  We can bear false witness also by quoting our spouses out of context or by suppressing information that would give a more accurate picture of them.  The Ninth Commandment, then, enjoins us to be faithful communicators with our spouses by learning to accurately understand, interpret and represent their words, actions and feelings.

 

 

M) COMMANDMENT TEN

 

 

Applied to the marriage covenant, the Tenth Commandment enjoins us to be content and grateful for our spouses.  In practice, this contentment is expressed in different ways:  refraining from comparing our spouses’ talents or performances with those of other spouses; welcoming and rejoicing over our spouses’ achievements, gifts, and experiences without coveting them for ourselves; learning to express gratitude to God every day for giving us the spouses we have; maintaining the proper reserve toward persons of the opposite sex and reserving expressions of special affections for our spouses; avoiding making unreasonable demands on our spouses to force them to become like real or fictitious spouses we covet.  The Tenth Commandment, then, enjoins us to be content with and for our spouses, by resisting the temptation to look for “greener grass over the other side of the fence.”

 

 

N) IN CONCLUSION
 

 

Christian marriage, to be stable and permanent, needs to be built upon the foundation of an unconditional, mutual covenant commitment that will not allow anything or anyone to “put asunder,” Matthew 19:6, the marital union established by God.  To accept this Biblical view of marriage as a sacred covenant means to be willing to make total, exclusive, continuing, and growing commitments to our marriage partners.  Such commitments are not easy or trouble free.  Just as our covenantal commitment to God requires obedience to the principles embodied in the Ten Commandments, so our covenantal commitments to our marriage partners demand obedience to the principles of the Ten Commandments, which are applicable to our marriage relationships.

 

There is no other way to enter into the joys of Christian marriage than by assuming its covenantal obligations.  When we commit ourselves to honor our marriage covenants of mutual faithfulness “till death do us part,” then we experience how God is able mysteriously to unite two lives into “one flesh.”  Honoring our marriage covenant is fundamental to the stability of our family, Church, and society.